


if I'm the one you love, think about me

by philindas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/pseuds/philindas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When SHIELD had needed to finally come out of the dark, Phil had anticipated there being backlash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if I'm the one you love, think about me

**Author's Note:**

> So this is what I've affectionately dubbed the "Audrey angst fic" that I've been working on for the past few weeks. Set in the future, during what will probably be the MCU Civil War. Title (both story and chapter) from the Fleetwood Mac song Think About Me.

When SHIELD had needed to finally come out of the dark, Phil had anticipated there being backlash. A lot of backlash, really- he’d essentially been lying to the Avengers, his friends, for three years, and a lot of other people. He’d essentially-legally adopted a technically grown woman, knocked up his deputy director, and married her- all in the span of less than two years. So, he’d anticipated backlash- he really had.

What he hadn’t expected (which, in hindsight, he probably should have), was the woman he’d formerly been almost in love with showing up in New York City when they were there for a conference. They’d taken the day off- Tony hadn’t been in the mood to talk politics, and Jemma and Fitz had been pulled into a conversation with Bruce that Phil hadn’t even tried to understand, while Natasha and Clint had been eager to spend some time with Skye on the mats.

So, Phil had convinced Melinda to spend the day in the city with him- her morning sickness had finally lessened enough that she wasn’t spending all day in the bathroom, nauseous, and he felt like he’d barely spent any time with her in recent weeks. He’d donned a pair of jeans for the first time in months, borrowed a car from Stark Industries, and gotten a list of great restaurants from Pepper (she was still a little stiff with him, but he knew it was because she was hurt- he was working on fixing that). Melinda had just started adding more color back into her wardrobe- a dark green shirt clung to her midsection, now a prominent bump at just shy of five months along, and her hair had grown long past her shoulders, curling gently over her shoulder blades and settling mid-back.

“So what do you feel like eating?” Phil asks, catching Melinda’s hand in his and linking their fingers, relishing the feeling of her wedding rings against his skin; he squeezed gently as she smiled up at him, leaning her head on his shoulder briefly.

“I really just want a hot dog,” she says, making a face. “Your kid has a weird appetite.”

“I can get you a hot dog, and the best one in the city,” Phil answers, tugging her along with him as he navigates the streets to where his favorite hot dog cart was. They’re almost there when Phil hears a familiar voice above the din of the crowd, and he freezes, grip tightening on Melinda’s hand.

“Phil?” the voice says again, and Melinda touches his bicep with her free hand gently, concern on her face when he still doesn’t move.

“Audrey,” Phil says, turning towards the voice and coming face to face with brunette. He heard Melinda gasp quietly beside him, but he couldn’t look at her. Audrey was a few feet from where they were standing; her hair was loose and wavy, falling around her shoulders, and the shine in her eyes told him she was close to tears.

“I didn’t believe it,” she said, stepping closer, her fingers knotted together in front of her. “I couldn’t believe it, even when I saw you on television. But here you are.”

“Here I am,” Phil echoes quietly, and he feels Melinda’s fingers start to slip from his but he just holds on tighter; he can’t lose the touch of her hand now. “Why are you in New York, Audrey?”

“I wanted to see you,” she answers, voice soft, and Phil swallows; Melinda tugs her hand from his and this time he doesn’t fight her- he knows she’s curling in around herself, hand pressed against the left side of her stomach like she always does when she’s uncomfortable. “I didn’t realize you’d have company.”

“I didn’t think you’d come looking for me,” he replies, voice a little sharper than he intends. “Especially not when I’m out with my wife.”

“Your wife?” Audrey asks, and her voice raises in pitch a little as she looks down, eyes widening at the slim gold band on his finger. She visibly swallows, head bobbing slightly as she looks back up at him. “I didn’t realize…”

“Not many people do,” he answers awkwardly, and he can feel how stiff Melinda is, still standing slightly behind him. “Look, Audrey-“

“It’s fine,” she interrupts quickly, straightening her shoulders and tossing her hair slightly. “I’m glad you’re…alive.”

She turns and disappears into the crowd; Phil swallows, trying to catch a glimpse of her again, before turning back to Melinda, throat closing in at the blank expression on her face. “Melinda-“

“I’m not hungry anymore,” she cuts him off, wrapping her arms around herself and heading back in the direction they’d come from. He closes his eyes, chest tight, before he moves to follow her back to the car.

The ride back to Stark tower is silent, and Phil can honestly say he hasn’t felt this distant from his wife since when he’d stupidly thought she could be Hydra. As soon as he parks Melinda is out of the car, heading for the elevator before he’s even unbuckled his seatbelt. He’s not surprised when she heads up without him; in fact he probably deserves it.

He sits in silence in the car for a long time.

* * *

If there was anything Melinda could actually hate about this miracle pregnancy of hers, it would be that she teared up at the drop of a hat. She had almost no control over her emotions- she cried when there wasn’t any strawberry yogurt left, she cried when her favorite shirt to sleep in wasn’t clean, she cried at every single god damn hallmark commercial. She’s learned to just accept the mood swings as they were, and everyone had pretty much learned to stay clear of her when the waterworks started.

By the time the elevator reached the top floor, she was moments from full-on crying; she prayed that no one was around, because she couldn’t stand to have anyone see her like this. Even the people she loved most.

She’s almost to the room that had been dedicated as her and Phil’s when the tears begin to slip down her cheeks; she stifles a sob into her hand and presses her forehead into the wall, vision blurred enough that she couldn’t read the keyboard to enter the passcode. She struggling to pull herself together when she hears the soft click of heels behind her; she tries to stem the flow but fails, merely hiding her face in her hands as the scent of Pepper’s perfume infiltrated her senses.

The blonde says nothing; Melinda hears the hiss of the door opening after Pepper types in the code, and there’s a soft pair of hands on her shoulders moments later. “Let’s get inside, Melinda.”

Melinda follows her, swiping at her eyes futilely as Pepper guides her into the room, the door closing with a soft thump as she’s led towards the bed. She sinks down onto it gratefully, head in her hands as she allows herself to fall apart. Pepper’s by her side instantly, hands comforting as she lets her cry, rubbing her back gently and murmuring softly, brushing her hair from her tear-streaked cheeks.

After a while Melinda finally cries herself out; the tears slow and she hiccups, pressing a hand into her side and wincing slightly when pain flares in her back. Pepper hands her a few tissues, still rubbing her back as she calms down.

"Want me to throw a wrench at his head?" Pepper asks finally, drawing a watery giggle from Melinda.

"Not a wrench. Maybe a level,” she jokes back half-heartedly, but bites her lip, chest tight as she remembers the look on her husband’s face when he’d realized Audrey was calling for him.

She didn’t doubt him- she didn’t. She knew he loved her, she knew he loved the family they were building, knew he loved the life they were creating together. But Audrey was a mystery; Audrey was a path he could have taken, a path he hadn’t the chance to truly discover. Audrey was an unanswered question; Audrey was a possibility he’d lost an opportunity to plan a future with.

Audrey was everything Melinda wasn’t, and the truth was, Audrey was an option Melinda was afraid Phil might want.

“Want to talk about it?” Pepper asks in a soft voice, and Melinda sighs, breath hitching slightly in her chest as she exhales.

“The woman Phil was with before he…died- she stopped us in the streets,” she answers quietly, eyes on her rounding abdomen, fingers pressed tightly to the left side. “I think she was under the impression that because he’d announced he was alive everything would miraculously go back to the way they were before.”

“Melinda he loves you,” Pepper says, and Melinda shuts her eyes, swallowing. “That man has been in love with you for years, and now he never shuts up about how happy he is. I’ve certainly never seen him this happy in all the years that I’ve known him.”

“None of this was planned,” Melinda replies after a few beats of silence, voice thick in her throat. “We weren’t trying for a baby, we’d never talked about marriage before, we didn’t plan for this. With Audrey…with Audrey he had a plan for his future, he had a dream- before New York, his future didn’t involve me and a baby and living on a plane most of the time.”

“Life isn’t always about plans, Melinda,” Pepper reminders her quietly, nudging her shoulder gently. “Tony didn’t plan to get shrapnel in his heart; Steve didn’t plan on getting frozen for seventy years- you didn’t plan on a baby past forty five. Does that mean any of you would change things?”

“Of course not,” Melinda replies immediately, grip on the comforter tightening. “I love the life we’ve found together. I just…worry that this will make Phil wonder about what he gave up.”

“And if you honestly think he’ll ever consider what he has now as giving anything up, you don’t know your husband very well,” Pepper says, giving her a soft smile. “Just talk to him. I know that isn’t your favorite thing, but you need to tell him how you feel. He’ll never forgive himself if he finds out he’s the reason you’re hurting.”

Melinda sighed, nodding in acknowledgment. Pepper smiled again, squeezing her hand before she stood up, brushing off her skirt. “Could you send in Skye?”

“Of course,” Pepper answered as she reached the door, turning back to look at Melinda. “Need anything else?”

She shook her head, and Pepper slid out without another word; a handful of minutes later, Skye slipped in. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Skye replied, settling down next to her. “Need help untying your shoes?”

“Please,” Melinda answered with a grateful sigh, falling back gently on the bedspread. Skye undid the laces of her sneakers and pulled them off, and Melinda moved to rest her head on the pillow. Skye slid in on the other side, tucking a few strands of her mom’s hair behind her ear and smirking down at her.

“Tired?” she asked, and Melinda nodded, sighing softly as her eyes slid shut. Skye hummed softly beside her, fingers gently untangling her hair with one hand as she slid a Stark tablet out of the bedside table, flicking through it one-handed.

“Wake me up for dinner,” Melinda said, and once Skye acknowledged her comment with a quiet noise, allowed sleep to creep from the edges of her consciousness and overtake her.

* * *

When she wakes, it’s to a bedside lamp being flicked on; she blinks slowly, adjusting to the bright glow in the otherwise dim room. Phil comes into focus; he’s changed into pajama pants and is in the middle of pulling a t-shirt over his head, and she sits up slowly, rubbing at her eyes as she sighs softly.

“I take it I slept through dinner,” she says, voice hoarse as she leans back against the headboard.

“Skye tried to wake you up, but you were pretty out of it,” Phil answers, taking his watch off and setting it on the bedside table. He gestures towards the bed, looking slightly nervously. “Am I going to be injured if I get into bed with you, or should I take the couch?”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” she answers softly, tugging the covers back as he settles next to her.

“Pepper threw a level at my head,” he says after a moment, and Melinda hides a smile in her shoulder as she tucks her knees up in front of her as best she can. “I think she missed on purpose.”

“She did,” she replies, resting her chin on her arms as she looks up at him. “Where did you go? After we got back?”

Phil hesitates, and Melinda swallows, running a hand through her hair.

“Were you with Audrey?” she asks, and when he pauses again she sucks in a breath, tears beginning to form against her will. “If you were just _say it_ and stop tiptoeing around me like I’m this- this fragile thing! I’m not _breakable_.”

“Why is it so important to you? She’s just- she’s my past, Melinda, she-”

“Because I’m _scared_ , Phil,” Melinda finally admits, eyes shiny as she looks up at him briefly before dropping her head into her hands, shoulders shaking as she works to collect herself. “This whole thing was a complete accident- we didn’t mean to get pregnant and then we rushed to get married and then the whole world knew about SHIELD and we’ve barely had time to breathe before the woman you were _in love with_ shows up. And I don’t know what you’re thinking for once and that scares me.”

She breaks off and inhales; her breathing hitching in her chest as she looks up at her husband.

“If you think that there has ever been a time when I haven’t been completely in love with you, then I haven’t been a very good husband,” Phil manages to whisper after a moment, voice breaking slightly on the last word. He reaches up with a shaky hand, gently brushing away tears with his thumb as he cups Melinda’s cheek, leaning forward until his forehead meets hers. “How can you still not know it has always been you, Melinda?”

She lets out a little sob, clinging to his shirt as she shifts closer, nose brushing his.

“The moment I met you I knew there could never be anyone else,” Phil whispers, hands curling in her hair and tilting her head up gently so she’d meet his eyes. “I’ve been in love with you for over thirty years, Melinda. You are the love of my life. The mother of my children. The woman I love more than anything else in this world.”

“Even more than your Captain America trading cards?” Melinda asks, a watery smirk on her face as Phil softens, lips curling into a smile.

“Yes, I love you even more than my trading cards,” he answers, nose brushing hers affectionately.

“Just checking,” she whispers against his mouth before she kisses him, arms slipping around his neck. Phil carefully leaned her down until her head was back against the pillows; his hand slid down to grip her hip as she wrapped one foot around his ankle, sighing softly against his mouth. She kissed him back for a few moments before she broke away, giggling quietly as she guided his hand down to her belly, pressing down. “She’s kicking.”

Phil’s face creases into a smile as he brushes his thumb along the curve of her stomach as he settles down on the bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she curled herself into him. Melinda reached over and dimmed the lights, leaving them in semi-darkness as they curled up together, quietly discussing their daughter until she fell asleep.


End file.
